I believe that human beings are a lot like the weather, with our own internal ‘seasons’ that fluctuate day by day, moment by moment. Outside circumstances can be seen as upsetting our balance, but it is in fact our thoughts that can cause the cyclones in our heads, regardless of what is happening in the outside world. We all experience tumultuous times, and the thoughts we have in response to these events determine how we feel. Anxious, fearful, and overwhelming thoughts are like clouds passing through an internal sky which cover the ‘sun’ that is always there, but so easy to forget. This internal ‘sunshine’ is our innate wisdom that resides in us all, even if it seems invisible for a while.

This sounds like an oversimplified view of the world, but it’s what helped me through one of the worst storms of my life.

From the outside, my life seemed sorted; I had a successful business, good friends, a busy social life, and I was living in one of the UK’s most vibrant cities. I was in my mid-30s and had been single for five years, dating on and off, looking for love. But, inside, I felt lost. Friends were settling down and as the years went by, I found myself feeling more and more alone.

But, in the Autumn of 2014 my life was set to change when I met the most wonderful man. A kind, loving and compassionate man who is now my husband and who I am grateful for every day. However, six months after meeting him, my world came crashing down…seemingly out of nowhere. I began to experience intense anxiety and OCD type thinking, like nothing I’d ever known. I am a sensitive soul and have always been an overthinker and worrier, but this was a whole new level, and I broke down. Looking back, I think unresolved issues around confidence and self-worth had been bubbling up for a long time and the floodgates just burst, despite the good things that were happening in my life. I felt like I was sinking and didn’t know how to come up for air. I certainly couldn’t see the sunshine inside of me, the clouds had completely obscured my view.

However, despite the terror I was feeling inside, there was a gentle whisper speaking to me, which I now understand to be my inner wisdom and resilience. Some days it would just tell me to get out of bed and eat something, or to get some sleep, other days it quietly whispered to me to get some fresh air and sit listening to the birds. My own wisdom also thought it would be a good idea to seek support from my GP and a CBT counsellor, which I did. I also began reading books by others who had experienced their own mental health struggles, including authors Bryony Gordon and Matt Haig. I am eternally grateful for their openness and honesty as it made me feel less alone. I researched anxiety and how it affects the body and I learnt techniques to calm my racing mind, one of the most important being mindful breathing

During this time, my energy levels were at an all-time low as I battled with my mind day after day, and I was forced to slow down and retreat. By this time, I had moved in with my husband and we were living in the countryside with nature all around. Our garden was teaming with wildlife and just watching birds, bees and butterflies go about their day was beautifully grounding. Slow and simple tasks became the norm, as they were all I could manage, although I did keep working throughout this time to give me some routine. I had gone from being a very sociable person to somewhat of a recluse, but it was what I needed at the time, and that was OK.

As with wildlife in nature, when harsh weather hits, I too had begun to hibernate for this ‘season’ of my life, which brought to mind Katharine May’s beautiful book ‘Wintering’ in which she talks about the power of rest and retreat during difficult times, and this was exactly what my wisdom was calling me to do.

As the months passed and the seasons changed, I started to realise that I was still here, getting up each day and functioning, even if differently to before. I started to recognise my own strength and resilience and began to better understand what was happening in my body when my thoughts were racing, and adrenaline kicked in.

With the support of my CBT counsellor, medication and my own self-care practices, I slowly began to emerge from the eye of the storm. This emergence brought with it a greater appreciation for nature and the ebb and flow of life. I had become an apprentice in riding the waves of life, even if I hadn’t mastered the ability to ‘surf’ completely. I began to appreciate more clearly what it is to be human, which gave me greater compassion for myself and others.

I learnt that we all have a certain capacity for stress which can be viewed as a ‘stress jar’. If we keep filling this jar, without regular outlets for self-care and wellbeing (exercise, meditation, sleep, spending time with those we love, enjoying activities that bring us joy), the jar will overflow, and stress will peak resulting in burnout and breakdown.

Nature has become my greatest teacher and reminds me that just like the weather, my anxious thoughts, and the uncomfortable feelings that accompany them settle on their own, given time. Our thoughts fluctuate moment by moment, and we can observe these without judgement and let them pass. It’s important to remember that we are not our thoughts or our mental health struggles…the storm does eventually pass, even if only temporarily, so we can take the next step forward. Spending time in nature and green spaces has also been proven to lower stress levels and is a wonderful way to nurture and ground ourselves.

I still live with anxiety today and it’s something I’ve had to learn to manage. It’s my Achilles’ heel and is worse when I’m tired and stressed. But it’s also a useful internal alarm system that reminds me when it’s time to slow down and take more care of myself. Taking time for life’s simple pleasures, and activities that make us happy has also been important. I’m now a mum and just sitting chatting with my daughter brings me so much joy.

I’m pleased to say that with time and patience, my inner sunshine did rise again, and even though the storm clouds still bubble up sometimes, there is a tranquil haven on the horizon that I try and turn my head towards more often these days with soothing self-care and time spent outside.

Here are some ideas for finding relief from anxiety:

Take a walk in the woods – spending time amongst trees can bring a sense of calm
Find things to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch, like grass under your feet or the feeling of wind and sunlight
Hang a bird feeder outside a window or in the garden and sit birdwatching for a while
Watch out for wildlife: spend time in the countryside or visit a local park to look for wildlife
Try some paced breathing – breathing in for 4 seconds and out for 6 seconds – try this for 3 minutes
Get quiet and listen to a meditation on a free app such as Insight Timer or Smiling Mind
Seek help from a professional if you are struggling

Emma Coxon is a writer and Founder of the blog Little Piece of Wonderand creator of online course ‘Little Piece of Wonder Everyday’. Her writing focuses on the natural world and how learning to slow down and notice the little things around us every day are good for mental health and physical wellbeing. You can also find Emma on Instagram here.